The rise of "momfluencers" Social sabotage, or are they just trying to survive like everyone else?
Social media is having a major impact on modern motherhood, both positively and negatively. We all spend so much time worrying about how it effects our children, that it’s easy to forget that we are also a part of the social experiment. “Our childen have imature minds and do not know the dangers, but I am a mother, a smart mature adult who knows better'" I tell myself. But do I?
These are the questions that haunt me when I catch myself falling into the trap of instagam.
Moms are navigating how to use social media to their advantage while avoiding the pitfalls of comparison, isolation and unrealistic expectations just like our kids. We know that building a real-life support systems is key, but what happens when you don’t have that support system as the good angel on your shoulder being the voice of reason in a chaotic social storm, or what happens if you ignore it all together?
I continue to reflect and Investigate…
Living abroad with my family has been a whirlwind of new experiences, and as a mother trying to capture these precious moments, I've been eager to photograph my children exploring our new surroundings. Yet, during a recent outing to lisbon, I found myself (on multiple occasions) trying to orchestrate a ‘picture-perfect’ scene with my son and daughter. "Smile, no not like that, your hair is in your face, can you take that hat off, just one more… that wasn’t good enough!" I instructed, aiming for that perfect shot. But who was I taking the picture for? Was it for the family album, the grandparents, the kids? No… I was doing it for ‘The Gram’.
I've never seen myself as "that mother” and I have spent the good part of 5 years completely off of social media. My Instagram following is small, and I I feel bad posting pictures of my kids, but even so, the settings are turned to public and the person inside me hopes that complete strangers will see it because I secretly want people to say WOW look at her and her family living the dream! After all, I sat inside a 1 bedroom apartment for 6 years alone raising kids loosing my soul… so I should share right?
After posting, it haunted me that night on how I had lost the true moment, curating an image of idyllic, engaged parenting while being mentally absent. Was I really any different from the mothers I judged? Was my facade of ‘real’ the same as their real?
In this digital age, social media has significantly shaped my experience as a parent living at home alone and isolated, and abroad with more to share. I used to find myself gravitating towards Instagram for connection and distraction during times I felt mentally understimulated. My mental state was influenced by the perfect picturesque problem free family online, and my family life, was influenced by what was shareable.
The pressure to capture every moment as though it's worthy of hundreds of thousands of people seeng it is well… a lot. Even art exhibitions and museums have adapted, offering immersive, Instagram-friendly experiences. There is a museum here in Lisbon called the 3D Fun Art Museum that is really just for taking picures of yourself with these 3D illusions. I haven’t been yet, but it is starred on my Google maps because I wanted to go as soon as I heard about it!
It’s a trend that's not only transforming cultural outings but also how many people perceive and engage with the world around us, and truly moms are not indifferent.
Author Sara Petersen echoes these sentiments in her book "Momfluenced". She discusses the addictive nature of following influencers who glamorize motherhood. Her insights resonate with my own experiences—how easy it is to feel inadequate when faced with these idealized snapshots of parenting. When writing Without a Village, I often thought about influence as I consumed an excessive amount of feminist literature, world news, and content on motherhood struggle. The exposure even made me feel behind the game and like the countless hours I had spent writing were simply not worth sharing because I didn’t ‘think of it first’.
The reality of social media and influence is complex. While some criticize these "momfluencers" for commercializing motherhood, others defend them as innovators who have managed to carve out lucrative careers while celebrating the often undervalued task of raising children. They are not just influencers but entrepreneurs creating their own success stories!
If I am to take a word from the book of success, it says something like ‘ don’t take critisism from anyone who has not achieved as much as you.’ It’s a bit of a punch in the gut! Who am I to judge the lemonade they made from lemons? But also, what am I doing wrong to not have the motherhood journey they seem to be having?
This multi-billion dollar industry dominated by and catering to women is still largely overlooked by mainstream media, despite its massive influence. These women are not only shaping public perceptions but also creating viable career paths that allow them to balance work and family life—a feat that remains challenging in a society that often underestimates women’s work both at home and in the workplace. Mothers are stepping up to a place of power, balance, and lets not forget the free stuff that cost thousands of dollars to end up in the hand-me-down bin!
Reflecting on all this, I realize that my quest to capture the perfect photo is more about my internal battles and adapting to our new life abroad than about the pressures of social media alone. It’s about finding a balance between living in the moment and sharing those moments, between being a mother and being the creator I want to be. I can share that with my kids and teach them safe habits, but equally as important to all my fellow moms, I can share a message that is not trying to be something that it is not. I can be authentic and share the struggle. We all as mothers can spread our message without trying to make it look like it is easier than it is. How I choose to present my family's journey to the world is truly up to me.
I can only hope for the free stuff, but until then I am going to soak in the moments with my kids during the Lisbon sunsets and festival fireworks. I will try take the real pictures for nana that lives in Canada to see and not for ‘The Gram’.
Moving abroad was one of the best descisions I ever made for my family health, but it should be real. I hope to make content that we can all look at together in 10 years and appreciate for it’s authenticity.
